Love More; Worry Less

        I have lived most of my life worried.  Worried about if I was going to get an “A” in English.  Worried about doing anything potentially risky because of the thought that my parents would somehow find out.  Worried about if my boyfriend was cheating on me.  Worried about if I was making my parents proud.  These worries literally occupied my entire life.  From the time I would wake up until the time I was finally able to fall asleep, I was worried.  These constant worries reaped several consequences on my life.  My relationships with people suffered because I thought negatively about every situation.  I was never able to fully focus on what I needed to because every other thought was running through my head.  And, probably most importantly, I lost trust in nearly everything and everyone.

            Obviously, there are a few factors that have led me to this.  One of these reasons being relentless unfaithfulness.  Just like many of us, I have been, and I guess still am, a fool for love.  I have fallen into the disastrous cycle of being lied to, cheated on, and heartbroken all for the name of love.  This caused me substantial amounts of worry.  Questions like, “What did I do wrong?”, and, “Why am I not good enough?” would too often run through my mind.  I so desperately wanted to be something special and mean something great to him that I, more or less, tried too much impress him and forgot how to love him. 

            I have prayed long and hard about how to overcome my constant worrying and move past it.  For the longest time I could not figure it out.  I couldn’t figure out why I had this problem of overthinking every situation and worrying too much about literally everything!  But, now, at probably the most crucially time in my life, I believe I have found the answer; love more, worry less.

            This is the most important lesson that I have learned thus far in my life.  It speaks so much truth and encompasses every situation.  I don’t know how I could have been so blind to this for so long.  It is so simple, yet so overwhelmingly true.  We get too caught up in the hustle and bustle of our everyday lives that we forget the most important commandment that we were given; to love.  I challenge us all to focus everyday on love.  To channel our energy towards showering love onto those in our lives who mean the most to us.  I also urge you to join me in the challenge to drop your worries.  I will be the first to admit that this seems like a daunting task, but what do we have to lose?  This section of our life is very closely nearing its end, and right now is our time to live with no worries or regrets.  Although it is difficult and scary, love more and worry less anyway!

Love Always,

Kylie K.           

 

A Musical Blessing

I am a cradle Catholic, meaning that I was born and raised Catholic.  Religion and faith have always been involved in my life, but never in an exceptional way.  I cruised through my elementary and junior high years fine and at the minimal level of spirituality.  At the time, that was ok with me.  I had no desire to deepen my faith and increase my relationship with God.  That is, until one Sunday afternoon when I made the decision to join the teen choir at my church.  I had sat every Sunday in mass and listened to the plucking of guitar strings in beautiful patterns, and listened in awe of the angelic tones being released from the souls of the choir.  I wanted to be that.  I wanted to be a part of something so incredibly beautiful.  So, after mass that Sunday, I walked up to Tom Castillo, the leader of the group, and asked him if I would be able to join.  Without hesitation, he exclaimed, “We would love to have you!  We will order you a guitar!”  From this moment embarked a journey between Tom and me that I would have never imagined possible!

            Upon first meeting Tom and seeing what he is capable of, you would not assume the circumstances under which he is forced to live.  Tom went to school and played music throughout college.  He was offered a chance to tour with B.B. King and play saxophone in his band.  Unfortunately, circumstances had arrived in his life that did not allow for him to take this outstanding opportunity.  Then, several years ago, Tom was in a very bad accident.  To shorten the story, he has had to have way too many surgeries over the course of his life; one being the removal of a large portion of his brain.  The section of his brain that was removed was what controlled his short-term memory.  So, Tom suffers from short-term memory loss, and struggles with even the simplest things that you and I take for granted such as remembering the names of his grandchildren at first.  Being a musician, it is super important that you can remember your music in order to perform to the best of your ability.  But, despite his memory loss, Tom is by far the most amazing musician I have ever been blessed to know!  What he has been forced to overcome and persevere through in his lifetime is more than I could ever fathom happening to myself.  Tom is the true definition of perseverance.  Not only does he work diligently until he overcomes all of the struggles in his life, but he also takes life for what it is and lives by the motto, “everything happens for a reason”.  He shows me by example that although your life may not pan out the way that you had originally planned, greatness can still be your final result!             

Over the past several years of playing together, Tom and I have developed a pretty amazingly unique relationship.  We make the perfect duet and can always sense what the other is going to do next.  I am not sure if he realizes just how major of a role he has played in my life.  He prays for me in my weakest times.  He cheers for me in moments where I am in need of celebration.  And he guides me in the right direction for my life.  Tom Castillo is my inspiration when I get down.  He proves that no matter what you are faced with in your life, God’s plan for you is greater than the present obstacle.  Words cannot even begin to explain how much I will miss his constant companionship and guidance once I set off into the so-called “real world”.  He has been the key ingredient in the development of my faith and trust in God, and for that I am eternally grateful!     

Love Always,

Kylie K.

A Glimpse of Hope

            For the past for days I have been a part of an experience of a lifetime!  I was blessed with the amazing opportunity to work as a team member on Search #162.  I mean amazing in every aspect of the word; electrifying, enlightening, powerful, holy, and pure.  I’m pretty sure that most all of you have absolutely no idea of what a search is.  As much as I wish that I could verbally explain to you the experience of a search, I just can’t.  But, one thing that is inevitable is that once you attend a search, you will never be the same again!

            I made my search last March at Saint Michaels Parish.  This was an absolutely beautiful experience for me.  I strengthened my faith, and made friends that I still share an incredible bond with today!  But, this year, I was given the opportunity to attend the same search, except this time I was working on team.  Going into the weekend, I didn’t know what to expect exactly.  I knew that it would not be the same as my first search because, unlike last year, this weekend was not about me and my faith.  No, instead it was about me helping others grow in their faith.

            At search, we are assigned to tables.  You eat, talk, pray, and bond with your table for the duration of the weekend.  Each table becomes their own little, perfect family.    My table this weekend consisted of five beautiful ladies and one handsome man!  We, rightfully, dubbed ourselves the name “Blessed Among Women”!  Throughout the weekend, we had several chances to talk and share with each other the struggles, problems, and blessings that we each have in our life. 

On Saturday night, we were sharing our biggest concerns that we currently carry in our life.  When the boy in our group’s concern arose, we were all frozen in amazement.  Before I explain to you why, let me give you a bit of background on this guy.  He is eighteen years old and a freshman at Arizona State University.  He plays the saxophone in the marching band at ASU, and desires to eventually become an educator.  At first glance, he has it all together.    But, when he began to open up and share his life with us, we were stunned by what we heard.  For about a year now, he has been struggling with addiction; addiction to weed, cocaine, and worst of all, LSD. 

His so called “friends” in his life are simply encouragers of these destructive habits.  His life is slipping away from him, and he is so bound by addiction that he can’t find a way to rebuild his life.  He began skipping classes in order to feed his addiction, causing him to be kicked out of the school of journalism.  But, probably most surprising of all, he shared with us that he has been an atheist since the eighth grade.  I was speechless.  Here we are at a Catholic retreat where praising and worshipping of Jesus Christ is happening in every waking moment, and yet amidst us is a person who doubts the existence of God at all.  I questioned why he would have come if he doesn’t believe?  But, as I pondered what I had just been trusted with, I realized that this was by all means an act of God.  This guy needs help.  He is fed up with the life of drugs and addiction.  He so desperately desires to be freed of all his demons that he has in his life, and be led to the cross where Jesus saved us and set us free.

            As our little family prayed over him, we prayed that the Holy Spirit become present in his life.  We prayed that his eyes and heart be opened and willing to accept Jesus.  Well, Jesus said, “ask, and you shall receive.”

  At the end of the search weekend, the candidates are asked to stand up in front of their family and friends and present to them what they have learned and gained from the experience.  When it was his turn to speak, I was so proud of the words that spilled from his mouth.  He openly admitted to the room his series of addictions.  He committed to finding help and changing his life for the better.  But most importantly, he portrayed a glimpse of hope and faith in God.  Tears instantly began streaming down my cheeks.  In that moment, Jesus was present, not only in his life, but in the lives of all of us blessed enough to be in that room.  When he finished speaking, the audience rose to their feet as the feeling of love and happiness radiated from him.  Working search this weekend showed me just how powerful the love of God can be.  He alone can turn a doubter into a believer and an addict into a fighter.  Through this experience I have built up an arsenal of faith, love, and strength to help me through my difficult times.  It is important that in these times where we feel as if nothing will ever get better, that we search anyway!   

Love Always,

Kylie K.

             

Cherish!

           Before I begin, I need to recognize that my life is extremely blessed.  I have never had to suffer through hunger, shivers, or loneliness.  I have always been provided with everything that I need and more, and for this I am extremely grateful!  And, most importantly, I have both a mother and a father as well as two brothers who care so much about me.  But, unfortunately, I think that I sometimes forget this.  I often take everything that I have in life for granted and do not always appreciate those in my life whose love for me is unconditional.  It is normally not until something occurs in your life that you essentially get a “wake up call” and come to the realization that nothing, and no one, should ever be taken for granted!

            Brothers, as we all know, can be a pain in the butt sometimes; especially little ones!  From my experience with little brothers, they like to follow you around and question every action you make.  They try to pull stupid, little pranks on you that pretty much just make you angry.  And they absolutely thrive on doing the complete opposite of what you tell them to do! This has always been hard for me.  I admit that I have not always been the nicest big sister.  My patience level with Kobi is most of the time very low!  Our relationship has always suffered because of this. Until a few weeks ago, I did not recognize just how blessed I am too have such an incredibly strong and perseverant little brother!     

              About a month or two ago, Kobi started to get sick.  Obviously, because it was the middle of winter, we just assumed that he had caught the flu bug that had been infecting so many this past winter season.  Throughout these two months, I watched my eleven year old brother grow progressively sicker and sicker.  The days of runny noses turned into heavy coughing.  The heavy coughing resulted in throwing up blood.  Eventually, Kobi’s poor little body was so weak and achy that he was overcome with agonizing pain upon standing up.  For almost a week straight, Kobi did nothing but lay in bed; because that is all his body would allow him to do.  The oftentimes annoyingly over-active kid that we were all used to seemed as if he had little life left in him anymore.  Kobi visited a series of doctors, all of whom gave a different “answer”.  Pneumonia and a torn esophagus were among the diagnoses at the first hospital visit.    

            We have always been told to trust the doctors, right?  Well, that’s exactly what my family and I did.  Kobi took the antibiotics prescribed to him, but his health was not improving even the slightest bit.  Two weeks ago, my mom decided that it was time he see the pediatrician in Flagstaff.  When they arrived, the doctor looked Kobi over and told my mom that they needed to take him to the Phoenix Children’s Hospital.   My dad rushed to Flagstaff and the three of them went to the hospital in Phoenix.  After days of blood work, biopsies, and tests Kobi was diagnosed with an extremely rare disease called Wegener’s disease.  This is an auto-immune disease that causes his blood vessels to inflame which then restricts blood flow to his lungs and kidneys.  If this disease is not treated properly and in a timely manner, then the potential of kidney failure is very high. 

            Blessedly, in Kobi’s case we were able to catch this disease in the early stage and he only has slight kidney damage.  He can be treated, but not cured.  This whole situation forced me to rethink all of the words that I uttered in annoyance.  I saw my baby brother at his weakest point.  I am forced to face the reality that his life will never be the same as it was because of this horrid disease.  I did take my brother for granted.  I now realize just how blessed and thankful I am to have someone who follows me around everywhere.  I will never again complain about having to pick Kobi up from practice, or the way that he smells from running around all day!  No, instead I will thank God for one more day to watch my little brother do what he loves!  It is unfortunate that it sometimes takes an extremely scary situation to make us realize what we have.  So don’t wait for the day when you are unsure if your loved one will be ok or not, cherish them anyway! 

Love Always,

Kylie K.

         

             

                    

Little Girl, Your Time Has Come

            When I think of friendship, I think of the person who I know will be there no matter what.  The person who you can go weeks and months not talking to, and then one day you reunite and everything will be as if you had never been apart.  People that you can share this type of bond with are rare to find.  Sure, I have lots of so-called “friends”.  But will they still be my friends after this journey we call high school ends and we move on to the next phases of our lives? 

            As we all know, friends tend to fade in and out of our lives.  As we progress through the various stages of life we lose friends and gain others.  I have had this experience with many of my friends, but there is one in particular who stands out.  Through most of our junior high years, we were pretty good friends.  We were close, but not on a super personal level.  As we ventured into high school, I changed friends.  I grew extremely close to another girl who became my best friend.  We spent endless hours together and might as well have lived at each other’s house!  Consequently, I completely lost touch with my previous close friend, and I believe she actually became angry with me.  Walking by her in the hallway became awkward.  No exchange of words.  No friendly hug.  Not even an uneasy smile. 

It wasn’t until the Life Teen retreat, I believe my freshman year, that things started to turn around.  We each had our own individual jars in which we could place notes to each other during our free time.  I knew this was the perfect opportunity for me to attempt to amend my relationship with my old friend, but I was too scared of her bitter feelings towards me to take that step.  Luckily, she was caring enough to sneak a note into my jar.  This little, orange paper gave our friendship a new life.  Not because of what it had written on it, but simply because of the fact that she stuck it in my jar.

Jess' nasty hairy legs! Grrrooosss!

From that moment on, we have been continuously growing together both in our friendship and our faith.  In my rough times, she places her hand on my shoulder and prays over me.  In my joyful times, she joins me in my celebration!  Thank you for never giving up on me.  Thank you for the prayers, laughs, support, and words of encouragement.  Whether we have time to laugh with each other or not, remember that I am never more than a phone call away.  You’ve helped me grow, and for that I am eternally grateful!

Now that she is days away from what will be one of the most memorable moments of her life, I am so happy to be able to return the favor.  I was there with her in the hospital room when she was about to break.  I saw her heart hurting because she was afraid that her dreams would not come true.  And, most importantly, I witnessed over and over again her immense amount of faith, perseverance, and optimism that she was forced to keep on the journey to achieving this goal!    

Well, little girl, your time has come!  You made it happen, and I am more proud of you than I could ever be!  As you walk through that tunnel and into the arena on Friday night, I pray that you realize the potential that you possess.  I pray also that you give your best and leave nothing to be regretted.  Thank you for showing me what true strength, perseverance, and friendship are all about.  Trust in God, believe in yourself, and keep being you anyway!                  

Come Just As You Are

            When I hear the word “forgive”, bitter, resentful feelings boil up in side of me.  I’m sure this is true for all of us.  If we are in a situation in which we need to forgive, whether it is another or yourself, obviously something occurred that brought anger or sadness to your life.  Forgiving is without doubt not an easy task.  It takes an immense amount of effort, and humbling to be able to forgive.

Last Sunday I arrived at church, a little late like always, for choir practice before mass.  Because I was late, the group had already begun practicing and sounds of praise and joy filled the church.  I walked through the congregary and opened the beautiful, wood double doors and entered the church.  Directly in front of me, bowed down prayer before the altar, were three people of who I had never seen before, as well as one sitting patiently in the pew a few rows back.  These people were visibly in a rough situation and appeared to be homeless.  For the past few weeks I had seen this same image as a came into church, so this day I paid no mind to them, and walked to the rest of the choir to begin practicing.  As we worshiped God through song, I could see the people become fully engulfed in the spirit.  They lifted their hands in praise and released emotions that proved that the Holy Spirit was running through them.  As an observer of this occurrence, it was a beautiful sight to see people, who just stopped in because they were probably trying to keep warm and have shelter from the oncoming storm, be moved by the Spirit.

            As mass time approached, the three before the altar relocated and joined their friend in the pews.  You could tell that they were still emotional and moved, and you couldn’t help but feel for them.  Mass started and the altar servers filed in, followed by the lector, and then Father Anthony.  Throughout mass, the four people who I had seen so visibly in touch with God earlier were surprisingly not participating at all.  When it came time for Father’s homily, he approached the stand and proclaimed, “Jesus said, come before me just as you are.”  He then went on to explain that we need not alter ourselves or be ashamed to come before God because of our “unworthiness”.  He will make us clean.  He will make us worthy.  He wants us just as we are.

            This spoke wonders to me because I had witnessed the broken hearts begin to be mended just an hour prior.  The people were not too ashamed of their brokenness or hurt to enter into our Father’s house and ask for forgiveness.  I believe that this lesson reigns true in all aspects of our lives.  We oftentimes are burdened by the decisions of our past and thus we feel unworthy of forgiveness.  Of course we make mistakes; we’re human!  The difficult, and probably most important, part is being able to humble ourselves, yet still be brave enough, to ask for forgiveness.  So, just as the broken and lost wanderers entered the church that day, practice forgiveness in every aspect of the word, and come just as you are anyway!

Love Always,

Kylie K.

 

        

 

                    

I Found a Coconut!

            Every Sunday, I have the privilege of hanging out with and teaching catechism to several children between the ages of four and six.  Sure, I am supposed to be teaching them the Catholic faith, but with children of this age, sometimes it is more effective to just simply talk to them.  So, that leads to my classroom being a very casual, friendly, and fun place to be.  Through this I have grown to love and care about each child that has walked through my door.  Relationships have been established.  Comfort has been developed.  And myriad memories have been made!

            As we all very well know, young children have a tendency to imagine and say things that we, as “grown-ups”, find humorous.  This morning I was in my classroom waiting for church to let out and to see the smiling faces run through the door, excited to begin class.  Sure enough, I was not disappointed as Stephanie bolted into the room.  Grinning from ear-to-ear, Stephanie ran straight over to me and gave me a huge hug!  I could tell that she was very anxious to tell me something, so I asked her, “What’s up Stepha…?”  Before I could even finish my sentence, Stephanie excitedly piped in, “Teacher Kylie!  I found a coconut!”

            “A coconut?!” I curiously replied.  Then, Stephanie stuck her hand in her pocket, searched around, and pulled out what she believed was the coconut that she had found.  When I saw that she was proudly holding a pinecone up in the air, I couldn’t help but giggle.  I knew that I could not allow Stephanie to continuing believing that the pinecone she held was a coconut, so I gently informed her that what she had found was a pinecone.  Upon doing this, I saw Stephanie’s smile fade a slight bit.  She was so proud and ecstatic about her “coconut” that she had told me immediately upon seeing me.  Had I done wrong in telling Stephanie that her “coconut” was in fact a pinecone?  Had I lessened her excitement in finding something new?  These were all questions that ran through my head as I saw Stephanie walk somewhat solemnly over to her seat.

            Ok, now I know that many of you may be thinking that I am overreacting. She obviously needs to know that what she had was a pinecone.  But had you seen the joy on her face when she presented her coconut to me, you would understand my struggle.  This is not the first time that I have run into this situation, however.  Every class I am bombarded with stories and rambles from the children that are obviously not true.  As their teacher, I feel that it is my responsibility to teach them the difference between imaginary and reality.  But, on the other hand, I feel that I will be rejecting creativity and imagination from the world by focusing solely on reality.  It is important that we understand reality, yet imagine anyway!   

Love Always,

Kylie K.